When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it had happened or not; but my faculties are decaying now and soon I shall be so I cannot remember any but the things that never happened. It is sad to go to pieces like this but we all have to do it. ~Mark Twain
Spread the diaper in the position of the diamond with you at bat. Then fold second base down to home and set the baby on the pitcher's mound. Put first base and third together, bring up home plate and pin the three together. Of course, in case of rain, you gotta call the game and start all over again. ~Jimmy Piersal, on how to diaper a baby, 1968
They say that age is all in your mind. The trick is keeping it from creeping down into your body. ~Author Unknown
One father is more than a hundred Schoolemasters. ~George Herbert, Outlandish Proverbs, 1640
Never raise your hand to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected. ~Red Buttons
We advance in years somewhat in the manner of an invading army in a barren land; the age that we have reached, as the saying goes, we but hold with an outpost, and still keep open communications with the extreme rear and first beginnings of the march. ~Robert Louis Stevenson, "Virginibus Puerisque II," Virginibus Puerisque, 1881
There's something like a line of gold thread running through a man's words when he talks to his daughter, and gradually over the years it gets to be long enough for you to pick up in your hands and weave into a cloth that feels like love itself. ~John Gregory Brown, Decorations in a Ruined Cemetery, 1994
First you forget names; then you forget faces; then you forget to zip up your fly; and then you forget to unzip your fly. ~Branch Rickey
Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope. ~Bill Cosby
Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope. ~Bill Cosby
I'm sixty years of age. That's 16 Celsius. ~George Carlin, Brain Droppings, 1997
There's something like a line of gold thread running through a man's words when he talks to his daughter, and gradually over the years it gets to be long enough for you to pick up in your hands and weave into a cloth that feels like love itself. ~John Gregory Brown, Decorations in a Ruined Cemetery, 1994
The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume knob also turns to the left. ~Jerry M. Wright
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